CoUntinG thE nO oF DayS....

Day 1:

It seems so without him around her... The messages exchanged were similar to a body without a soul....
They just greeted each other morning, night... They chatted on msn... The feeling were also completely lost... "Weird" is the only vocabulary she can think of... She woke up around 9am and was unable to get back to sleep. She rotted the day with the accompany of her computer... Downloading songs and setting up a new blog for him....

Day 2:

Today she meet him at Suntec after her training that ends around 8.45pm.. She was superb tired... "Huh?!" she exclaimed when he said he booked tickets at Suntec.. "Don't you know I'm tired?"... She wondered... "And do you know how far we have to walked from City Hall Mrt?", she puffed with exasperation... She packed up her stuffs and left the office heading towards the train station... When she alighted at City Hall, he called to ask where is she... "At the basement, taking the escalator up"... She answered and hung up... He was wearing his purple tee holding a double B4 carrier with the Ikea logo printed.. He gave her a warm smiled and passed her the paperbag to see.. "This is the dreamcatcher for you"... "Huh...? You bought from Ikea?" she puzzled... "No.. It's at the place we saw it.. They do not have a paper of the dreamcatcher's size.. That's why.." Though she didn't said much after that she was very touched that he went to get the gift for her... They went to Carefour to buy poultry for his steamboat feast...Thereafter had their meal at the Kopitiam next to the theatre... The show had started when they got in the cinema... At the middle of the movie.. He called her several times... The last message she bothered to see bothered her... She didn't replied him... She wanted him to have the mentality that she is already asleep... After the show... Her energy level is minus 20... She took her puff before they boarded the taxi home... He hanged the dreamcatcher for her when they reached and wished her goodnight before taking his leave....

Day 6

Today she is not working in Blue.. She had dressed herself in casual sweet outfit... She was hoping that he would appeared at her office and bring her for dinner.. They could had catch the Germany match together.. Germany was his favorite team.. She had bought a Germany singlet for him at UrbanNewMale shop that cost $59... Well.. She would never bear to purchase a top at this price for herself.. But for him.. She thinks is worth it.. She had finished her task early.. Hoping that she would be ready to go off by the time he message her to meet... But to her dismay... He messaged her at around 7.30pm saying that he just woke up.. She was disheartened... She did not plan to meet CK as she was giving up the possibilities of them getting closer... She looked at her phone and read the message sent by CK... He was asking what time would she be meeting him if she wants to meet up for dinner... That message was sent in the noon... She didn't even bothered to reply... Friday... Plus soccer.... She doesn't want to have a Friday night alone with no programs running... She replied him and told him that sorry for the late reply she just knocked off... In less than 5 minutes, her mobile screen flash with a message icon... He told her he'll be downstairs at her building in 15 minutes.

He was driving that night as well.. Though she was very full.. They still decide to go for dinner... She wanted to have fishhead steamboat at Tian Wai Tian... Thereafter, she changed her mind to Jackson 24 hour Kopitiam... They drove to Towner road first to withdraw cash.. She waited in the car and listened to "I think I" by Fan Wei Qi using her walkman phone... They drove down towards Bendemer and she changed her mind again.. This time she wanted to have Chong Bang nasi lemak... Both of them were clueless about the exact location.. She only have vague memories as it had been almost 2 years since she was there... They drove around for 2 hours.. Up and down of Thomas road and Sembawang road.. On and off parked the vehicle at the bus stop to browse through the street directory... She was tired and wanted to give up.. But she felt unworthy of the time spent to search for the eating place... She made up her mind to call Andy.. And at last.. They found the place... After having the delicious nasi lemak as supper.. She suggested to go Seletar Lower Delta to chill out... The place is like a reservoir.. Usually filled with racing cars and bikes.. It's also possible to catch commercial vehicles revamp with loud stereo speakers blasting hip hops or R&B songs... They were there for less than half an hour and she initiated to go home as her tiredness overpowered her wish to stay there longer....

Day 9

Today she meet up with him after work... He had planned to go Bugis to catch the latest movie - Superman Returns... After purchasing the tickets for 8.45pm.. They settle down at Ajisen to have Ramen... She ordered Volcano Ramen without Char Siew and he got himself the newest Ramen with prawn and crayfish... They finished their dinner around 7.45pm and he suggested to go shopping... She knew it jolly well that he will pay for all her shopping goods and it's not her wish.. But when she walked passed the boutique shop, she couldn't resist the temptation to shop... She pulled him in Little Match Girl and she being her browsing... She decided to get the black skirt she tried but paid by him.... Their shopping ended when the show time was drawing near... This time they were not late for the movie... Her eyes were extreme tried.. It almost shut off a few times during the show... But she endured it as she doesn't want to spoil his mood while watching... Clarke was terribly suave... How she wished she was the lead actress earning his kiss... She would had died with no regrets... Laugh out loud... The movie ended two and half hours later... By then... She was almost flat with five percent energy left... She suggested to take a cab home and ofcourse he had no rejection... When they reached her door steps... They kissed and embraced each other tightly... She could feel that she missed him a lots... His kisses in fact... She wouldn't mind to invite him in for that night... But the idea was knocked down when she understand her preposition in their current relationship... she couldn't bear to open the doors and bid him goodbye... Despite she had too for she was to exhausted to continue the night...

LasT paGE of DiaRY

This night is not the usual night.. Though the outlook were as normal..
Holding hands in the taxi.. Ranting about one's stuffs.. She only felt that he's not himself..
But she did not suspect much..

When she was taking her clothes to change... He called.. "Girl.. I have something to tell you"..
Though she could guess it.. She remains her "question mark" face and replied: "What’s that?"...
He said that he was holding her up.. And he can’t be a friend of hers to provide her with happiness..
He doesn't want her to be restricted... He wished that she owns her freedom..
She is still stuck with him.. His appearance definitely troubled him..
He doesn't want her to keep her worries in everything she does... And of course he doesn't want to be her burden..
She was startled with his words.. As she didn't expect he would bear to say it out...
She had thought before.. If there is such a day to come.. She would be the one to break it..

She knew that he was upset.. The feeling could be more sophisticated..
But she can't describe it as he concealed it under an emotionless face..
She wouldn't know the aftermath.. She knows that she will miss him..
In fact she had.. But she know it jolly well that she can't hold on to him when she has uncertainty in her wants and feels...
It's very selfish of her.. Right from the start... She has been a selfish soul...
If she could had be a little firmer... She would hurt him this far...

Days with him were great... A silly boy.. That's what she will always call him..
He had a hunch that she will return to him... She wasn't sure why he had that sense...
But she knew that she would not return to him..

She was just a heart breaker... Always procrastinating and failure to plan..
Believing in happy go lucky... Had neglect that he has great ambitions with her...
But that's just her... She can't or rather she's really afraid to love...
Her strong shield had kept her away from falling real deep for any guys..
She hopes one day there will be someone to break that shield for her...
And she could be brave to love again....